Rebuttul to Battle Cry of the Tiger Mother
Avery Ekman
Academic Writing 1
Amy Chua, an American woman of Chinese descent and a professor at Yale University described herself as a “Chinese Mother” in her now infamous memoir Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior. In this excerpt, Chua argues that Chinese parents are superior when it comes to raising successful children. Her descriptions of strict, sometimes demeaning parenting tactics lead me to wonder why she placed more importance on achievement than she did her children’s happiness.
American culture is fairly unique since it is so individualistic. Most western parents focus on their children’s social progression and happiness more than they do achievements and status among peers. “In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that “stressing academic success is not good for children” or that parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun. By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way (Chua).”
Though Chinese-American children seem to be ahead of the curve in academics, many tend to struggle socially because their parents don’t allow them to have an adequate social life. As a westerner it is hard for me to make assumptions about Asian culture, but Chua’s article doesent shy away from making generalities in her article, some of which are compelling. A good example from the text, “Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, "You're lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you." By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they're not disappointed about how their kids turned out (Chua).
China has a collectivist culture, meaning that they place a higher value on personal modesty and group participation. Children are raised to respect authority and their place in society, characteristics that make a productive adult later in life. “Formal, hierarchical. People most comfortable in the presence of a hierarchy in which they know their position and the customs/rules for behavior in the situation.” Notions of achievement and success are both very subjective terms relative to culture, family and the individual. Chua thinks that by working her children hard at a young age they will develop high standards for themselves later in life. From a young age Chinese mothers teach that happiness is second to work and how can anyone be expected to achieve true happiness without addressing our own needs and interests.
Chinese parents have control over their children’s social lives and their lives at home, meaning that they have a huge amount of influence during the adolescent years. Chua believes in making every decision for her children, which leaves little room for them to find a distinct personality
Avery,
ReplyDeleteI'm not totally sure if your paper is just unfinished or if not all of it made it into the post for whatever reason, but so far I think you are still off to a good start. You have a lot of very good arguments in each paragraph, but there are a few things that stood out to me that I would suggest taking a second look at.
In your opening paragraph, "Chinese Mother" does not need to be in quotations, because Chua is not making any sort of inaccurate statement by calling herself this. She is in fact a mother who is chinese, thus a chinese mother. Just be careful of that. Also, just be conscious that Chua did not write this article for purposes of having it published in the New York times. She did not even submit this herself, and it is not a memoir either. Editors of the newspaper pulled excerpts from her book, "Battle cray of the Tiger Mother." I'm not trying to sound harsh, I promise! These things hinder your credibility substantially though and may hurt your paper more than anything.
I loved that in your second paragraph you pulled an example straight from the text and used it to counter-argue. This was a very successful move and helps your claim tremendously. Your third paragraph is extremely strong as well; your claim and argument are great. Try to include some evidence from outside sources however.
Your fourth paragraph was a bit troubling... it was very hard to follow what exactly you were trying to say; in addition however, parts of it seemed as if they were copy & pasted, and even the font kept changing. Be careful of this. I do not want to assume anything purely based on font changes but it does look suspicious.
From this point on your paper sort of trails off, but so far what you do have written down is very good and effective!
Good job with your first draft and good luck with your revisions and final draft!
-Meredith
Avery,
ReplyDeleteI think that you are off to a good and workable start on your paper. It seems to me that it is unfinished at this point, but I can see where your ideas are formulating and coming from. I think that your claim is how she worries about academics more than her children's happiness. If that is the case I think you did a good job making a clear claim.
Things to work on could be possibly finding more reliable and scholarly sources. Right now the sources that I see sighted are all from Chua's article. In your 4th paragraph, I didn't know if talking about respect ties in with your claim on the child's happiness.
Good luck on your revisions, and I hope your paper comes out the way you want it to!
~Jake
Avery,
ReplyDeleteI really like your intro, it really digs into the point you are getting across. It was worded nicely too.
I think you do a good job incorporating your own beliefs and views into the matter. I also like how you present yourself as being a westerner and how your opinion is biased towards that.
You really have some awesome points that with the proper evidence can make a great argument. My biggest concern is that you don’t use any sources other than the editorial. Also, when you cite the editorial you need to put the paragraph number.
If you can find the evidence to support your claim I think you could have a really good final draft. Good luck with the rest of the assignment.
- Dan Sheldon
Avery:
ReplyDeleteI think you are off to a good start in your first draft. Even though it does not seem like your argument is totally complete yet, you share your ideas effectively. I think your claim goes straight to the point and I like how you made it more personal by adding the word "me" into it.
With that said, there are a few things you should work on:
It seems as though your draft is not completely finished. A lot of your paragraphs have great starts for ideas, but need to be expanded on.
For example, you should expand more on your ideas in your first paragraph. You mostly just explain Chau's argument then jump right into your claim. You should explain more about your thoughts on her piece.
This also goes for most of your paragraphs. You have concrete idea, you just need to expand. Especially in your fourth paragraph. It is pretty unclear and hard to read. It just seems like you put in random quotes and opinion. It also seems rushed like... you were rushing to finish it in time? But that's okay! It's only a first draft, so you have time to improve.
Your conclusion is also very short (only two sentences). You should also expand on this.
You should also think about using more sources to support your argument. You are losing a lot of credibility by not having data to support your reasons.
Good luck on your revision!
- Joni Fromer
Avery,
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me as though this is a strictly-speaking "working" paper, and not quite yet a rough draft. That said, I critiqued it with that in mind.
Firstly, I believe this is a good jumping off point for your paper. Although it seems unfinished, your ideas and opinions still come through and are pretty strong. Your claim--that Chua foolishly focuses on the wrong "positive" aspects of her children's success--comes through pretty clearly.
While you have solid ideas, they are pretty short-lived and not expanded on as much as I'd like you to have. Your paragraphs also lack concrete structure; make sure you make a claim, and back it up with appropriate research. In terms of outside research...there is none. Make sure for your revision that you include several scholarly sources so that your credible and not just ranting.
Your fourth paragraph was very confusing. I'm not sure if you were simply jotting down ideas to get them down, or brainstorming for your revision. Either way, its not a big deal, because you still have time to improve. Likewise, expand on your conclusion; it is very short and could do with some more meaty material.
Overall, I'd say the most thing you need to do is research and expand to make your argument convincing and persuasive. Good luck with your revision!
Ethan Wennberg
Avery,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the start on your paper. The introduction was very strong and I really liked how you phrased Chua’s cultural background. It addresses her personal perspective early in the paper.
It looks like you are focusing on the individualist culture of the West, and the collective culture in China. Try to make this incorporated in your thesis as well. This is a very strong argument, make sure you have research to show the distinction between the two cultural aspects, yet tie it into the common goal of parents looking out for their children.
Also, don’t forget your lead-ins and follow-ups for your quotes. In paragraph 3, you states Chua’s quote but in the end I was expecting you to reiterate your initial point. In paragraph 4, you presented a quote with no citation or reference to the author.
Don’t forget to have 2 scholarly sources and a work-cited page. I like where our paper is going, good luck on your revisions!
-Christina
Avery,
ReplyDeleteYou are off to a great start in your rebuttal. You have good points listed; now all you have to do is connect them with outside sources and provide some of your own opinion as well.
I liked your introduction as it introduces the editorial, but I think you should expand a little more and create a “funnel-like” paragraph culminating in your claim. Do not forget to cite all quotes and have follow-up explanations as to help the reader understand how the source relates to your claim.
I would also be careful in how long the quotes you chose are. If you absolutely need all of it, then think about using block quotes. If not, then either shorten them or try paraphrasing.
You are on your way, just develop more arguments and include outside sources.
Good luck with your revisions!
--Ethan Freedman
Avery,
ReplyDeleteAlthough the paper is unfinished I think it has great potential. I like how you phrase your points, and I think you use your evidence really well. I tink you need to work on how you incorporate your quotes, and integrate more of your voice. Im not sure if the paper is unfinished, but it seems like you made a really good start on it. Good luck with revisons.
Avery, you have a good start to your paper, but I'm having difficulty comprehending it as a finished draft.
ReplyDeleteI don't really see a specific explicit claim you are trying to convey backed up by organized reasons.
You make some strong points and it would be great if you could work off of those points and add more to them to form a strong argument. There just really isn't any organization or structure, so it's hard to understand or take in the points you make.
You should definitely include more sources because those would take your points to a new level. Also, don't forget to include a Works Cited Page.
Keep on working and develop those claims backed up with reasons and evidence.
Good luck,
~Molly
Avery,
ReplyDeleteGood start on your paper! I have the feeling that it is not complete when reading it and any sources in which to take credibility out of. I'm not sure if the font was messed up during the transition from word to blog, but it makes it feel chopped up.
I think you should work on finding a claim to back up. You have ideas and points within your paper but it is structured in an awkward way which makes it hard to follow.
You should take the time to find sources which to backup the claim which needs to be solidified as well.
Good job, I can't wait to see the end product!
Dear Avery,
ReplyDeleteAs many have said, your paper seems unfinished at this point. I think you should make an effort to go further with all of your ideas, because they are certainly very good. Expand!
It would also help your rebuttal to use different sources, other than Chua's article.
Be sure to use one font/size. It looks like you have about 5.
There is not much to say about a seemingly unfinished paper, but you're off to a very good start. I'm sure this can be a fantastic rebuttal if you just expand upon everything and use better, more scholarly, sources. Nice job, and good luck on your revision!
- Greg
Also make sure to include follow-ups and lead-ins to improve the transition between paragraphs. The quotes you did include were relevant and well used but need to come from a larger spectrum of information.
ReplyDeleteAvery,
ReplyDeleteI think you have some good ideas to go off of, but you could add so much more to them. Your draft was very short and didn't have any outside sources, so you could easily add a lot more substance to it.
I also think you could add more lead-ins and follow-outs, especially for the quote in the 4th paragraph. I didn't understand this quote, I think partially because of the type-o in the beginning, but make sure you explain it anyway.
I think you have some well-worded sentences, but you just need to add more. Also, make sure you are citing sources from Chua as (Chua, par. #). I see your point of view, but maybe you could just make the last sentence in your intro. a little stronger too to make it a great, super clear claim. Good luck!
Lindsay
Avery,
ReplyDeleteI think the start to your rebuttal is very strong, but I don't think it is yet complete.
I liked your intro very much, but I think it could use a little more information about what you will be talking about.
I think that the info in your 5th paragraph would be good to incorporate into your intro because you talk about distinct personality and that help your claim about individualism. The language you used was very appropriate and flowed nicely. I like the background cultural information in your 4th paragraph about Chinese culture.
I think that you need to work on making this paper more of a rebuttal and less of a summary. You spend a lot of time explaining what the article is about and not much time in using counterarguments.
I think you should provide more sources that support your claim about individualism. I think you will be able to incorporate it nicely because your language throughout the essay is great.
Those are my suggestions and I hope they help. Good luck with the revision!
-Rebecca Moran
Avery,
ReplyDeleteI think that this is a good start for your rebuttal. What you have so far is worded really nicely and makes for a good read. I believe that you have a lot of good points to work with.
Here are a few things that you can fix to enhance your paper:
-Work on not ending a paragraph on a quote (like in second paragraph). It brings the thought to an abrupt end. A sentence or two following the quote would be beneficial to the reader.
-I think that your conclusion could use some work. Try to flesh out your ideas toward the end to leave the reader with a clear picture of what your claim is.
-I didn’t see any quotes or citations from outside sources. If you add a few in, especially scholarly sources, your credibility will be boosted and your argument will be stronger. The hardest part is finding the right source, but when you do, it can be extremely helpful to your paper as a whole.
Overall, this is a good start. If you continue to work on it, I believe it will turn into a greatly persuasive paper.
Good luck revising and enjoy your spring break.
Elizabeth Rubel
Hey Avery,
ReplyDeleteI realize that you still have much left to add to this but based on what I've read so far there are a few things you can consider changing/rethinking.
Firstly, your intro needs to be more stronger and clearly stating what your refuting and counterarguing. Where you mention "lead me to wonder why" I'm not sure as to where you plan to go with the paper. So expand the intro that can help the reader gain more insight about what to expect.
Secondly, I've realized how you've ended a few paragraphs with quotes, it is much more effective if you end each paragraph summarizing the point you described.
In para 3, your first sentence, "though Chinese-American children seem to be ahead of the curve in academics, many ten to struggle socially because their parents dont allow them to have an adequate social life" well firstly, thats a very bold claim, you are almost taking just an extremem of a position as Chua. Further on as you mention "As a westerner it is gard for me to make assumptions about Asian Culture" well you just did with the first sentence in the paragraph. So beware of contradicting yourself.
A similar extreme claim is in the fourth paragraph where you mention "from a young age Chinese mothers teach that happiness is second to work"
Also, as you know it is a requirement to have scholarly sources. So, good luck with the rest of it!
Avery,
ReplyDeleteIts seems like your off to a good start but in the long run your paper seems to be missing something because of the length. With that said, I really enjoyed your intro. Your voice was strong and you got your point across quickly as to keep the readers attention on to the second paragraph which I also enjoyed.
I liked some of your ideas but at times you seemed to awkwardly phrase them when trying to get your point across. Your paper might flow a little better if you add a claim to focus the main ideas.
....In the end great work!